Your Civic Doody.

Betty White on SNL: Census

The final sketch of the night on the Betty White episode of SNL.  By far, the funniest of the night.

This reminds me of a sketch called GUMP written by Scott Adsit for one of the Second City stages here in Chicago.  At Second City it's legendary, and for me it was the sketch that made me want to write sketches.

This is funny in its own right, though.  Take it away, Tina:

No August In May.

I think something terrible might have happened.  I think the world's best grocery store might have closed. August, lovely August, on Division and Milwaukee in Chicago.

Here is what I wrote on Yelp.  Partly as a review, partly as a rebuttal to a few particular Groupon Gammas who recently negatively reviewed it.  Rather than put my own eyes out, I decided to write a response cum obituary:

Anyone who argues that August is expensive has never shopped at Whole Foods.  I was a WF adherent until I discovered the greatest grocer in Chicago:  George at August.

The complaints swirling around here revolve around one idea, rooted in the Jewel/Dominicks frame of mind:  100 percent variety, 100 percent of the time.  This is not the model of a small grocer, never has been, and frankly shouldn't be.  How many times have we gone to WF, marveled at the variety of meat and produce, only to find that half the produce we bring home tastes and cooks terribly?  When in recorded history has it been a foregone conclusion that a kumquat should be available in Zone 6 in February?

So, while August did not provide a wide selection, I can attest, having stocked my fridge entirely with his food for the past two years, that everything he offered was always of superlative quality.  As it traditionally goes, the changing stock of the grocer is reflected in the changing food you eat.  It's really pretty civilized, actually:  letting go of the idea that quantity equals quality.

In addition to the food, George himself brought the missing ingredient to shopping and preparing food that was always missing from Whole Foods -- and let's face it, Whole Foods at this point is Jewel in a cheap sun dress.  

Every question about a cut of meat might start a lengthy conversation about preparation.  Every vegetable picked could lead to an hour spent browsing one of the cookbooks offered up at his counter.  Any question you had was a lesson he wanted to share.  August wasn't a place to trudge through at the end of a long day.  August was a place to celebrate food and cooking, with a community of people who shared your love, brought together by a person who made a life out of preparing meals.

I'm not sure what the status of August is now.  I can only say that the thought of spending my future nights picking over produce selected by an accountant, not a chef, is enough to make me lose my appetite.

Nonviolent Aemilia suddenly turns incredibly violent.

 

Untitled (I Hate You, Stepdad)

Bullets on Paper, 24" x 36"

2010

by Aemilia Scott

Lynch Mob; or: Sears Blue Velvet Crew.

Today is one of those days that makes my job worthwhile.   I'm working on a commercial for a retail store, but instead of shooting on a sound stage or an operational store, the location people found an abandoned "Great Outdoors" store in Schaumburg, Illinois, and built a set inside of it. 

So here I am, shooting a funny commercial on the set of "Inland Empire". Weird. Weird. Love it. So weird. Why oh why don't I go everywhere with my SLR camera? 

In lieu of the aforementioned, please accept these iPhone photos. Real-time price check. Creepiest place, guaranteed.

Aemilia and Ed Coming to Chicago Sketchfest.

Aemilia and Ed were accepted to the 2010 Chicago Sketch Comedy Festival.  For those uninitiated, Aemilia and Ed's One Man Show is the name of my comedy duo, which I share with the lovely and talented Ed Flynn.  The show is set entirely in 1960 -- A year when the president was under 50, Ocean's 11 was in the theaters, and gay was something you were at parties.

In honor of our new show, we made a new tribute photo.

2010's show will have a new name for the new year (1961) 

Aemilia and Ed Present:  Common Problems and Recurrent Foibles.

 

VIDEO -- That Was Awkward.

Yikes.  Who Knew.

Produced by Warehouse Factory.

DEATH-PAC Presents: WALK IT OFF. (VIDEO)

DEATH-PAC takes on Blue Cross.

OMG, you guys.  It's a great day for profit.

My satirical Political Action Committee, DEATH-PAC, went to the Chicago headquarters of Blue Cross / Blue Shield today, to help defend the tiny, little, helpless corporation from the onslaught of progressive tyranny, MoveOn.org.

We set up a Self-Care clinic, available to anyone who has had their claim denied, or who had their coverage rescinded, because Blue Cross was working hard to maintain their sweet profit margin.  

Protecting rich people is the American Way.  And you can bet: when I'm super rich, I'm going to be really glad I was out there protesting against me getting health care.

Video rendering as we speak!  Wait for it... wait...

DEATH-PAC Celebrates 9/12: Health Care Protest in Chicago

DEATH-PAC member Keith Gatchel was in attendance at the rally in Millenium park.  He bravely showed up to fight against public health care, even though he continues his fight with gangreen brought on by a mostly successful home leg amputation.

We were able to help the anti healthcare protesters stay on message:  let's work to keep America's corporations healthy and long-lived.

Photos taken by DEATH-PAC member Pat Barry, who was too ill with typhoid fever to be in front of the camera.

It's Lord of the Rings and Batman versus Tiny Tim.  It's a double-metaprotest.  Except something tells me the Gandalf people are being serious.  The Joker people too.  

Look!  It's our Dickensian others:  The Billionaires for Wealthcare.

These are the sorts of photos you learn to avoid posing for when you graduate from the Teabaggers Academy.

DEATH-PAC Celebrates 9/12: national day of GETTING SERVED.

Yeah, America!  Cop a squat, patriots.  It's time for the teabagging.

Death-PAC is on!  We're coming to you live from Millenium Park in fabulous Chicago Illinois.  If you see someone passing out this flyer, you know it's us.  Hopefully I'll have some graphics for you soon.  In the meantime, here is our super-secret list of talking points.

• We all know what happened when the government started a public option for mailing letters.  It forced all the private mail companies out of business.  I was alive when Fed Ex put the post office out of business.  We can’t have that happen with health care. 

• We don’t want your health care.  Give us a spoon, some rubbing alcohol and a box of dental floss.  It’s good enough for number 36, it’s good enough for number 37.

• Okay, so our infant mortality rate is the same as Malaysia.  If you want to make an omelette, you’re going to have to break some babies.

• It’s like, every time I come out of the emergency room, I feel like a million bucks.  Literally.