Your Civic Doody.

Cast Away #3.

Now that Hollywood has determined that I'm to be trusted, it has opened up a clear line of communication with me.  I receive coded messages from Hollywood like this one almost every day.  If only I could figure out what they want.

Role Role Type Gender/Age/Ethnicities Description/Note 18ish Ethnic Girl to play freshman in college for Speaking Role, NUDITY, SEX SCENE, EXPLICIT LANGUAGE Special Female / 18 to 25 / All Ethnicities, AfricanAm, Am-Indian, Asian, East-Ind, Hispanic, MidEastern, Mixed, PacificIsland 18ish Ethnic Girl to play freshman in college for Speaking Role, NUDITY, SEX SCENE, EXPLICIT LANGUAGE SAG, 2 lines, low budget scale, unknown work date

Let me see if I can parse this:  looking for someone 18, maybe ethnic, to swear and fuck on the cheap, sometime in the future but we don't know when.

Where do I sign up?

Hey you pedophiles! #1: Cyrus family circus.

Hey there, wanton pedophiles.  If you're like me, you're always trolling the internet for illegal child porn.  And if you're like me, you're thinking "There's got to be a better way!" Well, I've learned that there is plenty of baby arugula out there for the plucking, and most of it available without a warrant!  If you thought they couldn't come any younger than Miley Cyrus, we've got something for you.  And it's name is Noah.  Cyrus.

Apparently Disney has given her a sort of coming out party, even though I think she might not be 10 yet.  Although, to be fair, 10 is the age of consent where Billy Ray comes from.  At least the age of consent to use a stripper pole, it would seem.

I'll let Nabokov say the rest:

She was Lo, plain Lo, in the morning, standing four feet ten in one sock. She was Lola in slacks. She was Dolly at school. She was Dolores on the dotted line. But in my arms she was always Lolita. Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Lo... Lee... Ta.