Okay, I'm done. I'm done with snotty culture theorists tearing down the good things and lauding the shitty things. I don't want your essay about why Taylor Swift is good, or why American Idol is good, or why whatever the fuck YouTube video is good. You know what? Keep it. You know why? Because it's actually your job to tell us what is good. Even great. Because if you like something, you stand with the other people who like it. It doesn't matter why you like it. If you give it airtime, it wins. Do you know that your ironic Nielsen point counts exactly the same as the Appalachian mother of 5's Nielsen point? You sit with them now.
How about we, the intelligensia, try to start liking intelligent things again? Have we given enough time to the cool girls in the locker room? Can we stop pretending we like their shitty bands?
And with that, I bring you: a recent negative review of David Simon and Ed Burns' Treme on Salon dot com. It was argued by Heather Havrilesky that the show's "overwritten outbursts" and overly political hits detract from an otherwise tasteful story about music.
And to that I say: Heather Havrilesky, shut your gaping, useless mouth.
You find Treme unlikeable because of its overwritten outbursts? OVERWRITTEN? Surely, you mean "written," right? You mean that you don't like Treme because it is a show with dialogue that exceeds everyday life? Like a book maybe? Or, God forbid, a play? You hate that Treme was written by TV writers who aren't desperate to write down to us. Because you prolly think that, like, TV shows should, like, sound like how we, you know, like, talk and stuff. Or whatever.
Quoth Ms. Havrilesky:
David Simon and Eric Overmyer are in love with New Orleans, sure, but they're also in love with words -- angry words, big words, curse words, technical words -- about what's happened here. These words [...] tend to jostle us loose from this moment, distance us from the action, alienate us from what's actually happening on the screen.
If this reviewer actually turns out to have a real learning disability, I'm going to be sincerely sorry for saying the following: she sounds like a couple of retards. This, coming from a woman who 24 hours later decided that Sex and the City 2: Sandy Hoo-Hah, was a feminist revelation? You are ruining everything. I'll take my hemlock-tini now.