Obama, don't come to me with that look on your face. Don't sneak back across the aisle and deny where you've been. You just came home absolutely reeking of Republican, and I'm not really a jealous voter, but a woman's intuition is never wrong. And my intuition tells me you're cheating.
Know this: I will make your life a vivid fucking nightmare if I find out that you've even *thought,* for one moment, about getting in bed with another party.
This is our time, Obama. This is you, and me, and the fucking life I've always wanted. Hillary was a strong, dependable, smart, lovable candidate, and I left her standing at the altar so I could elope with *you.* So if you turn out to be a spineless poindexter, or a scheming player, or both, I will end you. I will. End. You.
You'd better sack up, my lover, and quick. You'd better pick me over Olympia Snow. Because I'm about to start ripping up all the photos you ever sent me, and and then put the halves back up on my wall, and then tell everyone that last year I just voted for Biden.
I will throw your shit out on the lawn. All the t-shirts, and the buttons, and the stickers, and the yellowing newspaper clippings. They will be out on the lawn, along with one of my pumps. Because I will have thrown it at your head.
Oh, it's shoe-throwing time. Anytime anyone promises me health care and then slips out in the middle of the night to give a handie to Max Baucus across the street, deserves a 3-inch pump to the head. I'm out on our lawn, in my bath robe. It is on. Maybe not at the beginning of this year, but now, it is on.
Afghanistan, fine. I'll sit across the table from someone who escalates Afghanistan. Bank deregulation amid the financial shitstorm... hmm. I'll start wondering who exactly it was I connected the arrow for. But health care? HEALTH CARE? You are going to look me in the eye and tell me that a public option isn't within your reach? I will destroy everything you've ever loved. I will make you wish you never, ever, courted the female vote.